I saw the hilarious and sarcastic Jimmy Fallon do this on his late night show and think it's hilarious, so I'm totally mimicking him. It's the greatest form of flattery...right?
Thank you automatic paper towel dispenser in public restrooms. That 5 inches of transparent, seethrough towel that you give me to dry my soaking wet hands is clearly sufficient. Thanks.
Thank you chick behind me in line at the store talking on your cell phone for the whole world to hear. I love hearing about what a jerk your boyfriend is and no, I can't believe he did that.
Thank you family of 5 who are walking at a snail's pace in front of me, spread out side by side and taking up the entire aisle at Target, making it impossible for me to pass you and walk like a normal human being.
Thank you driver who doesn't know that you can turn right on red. I appreciate how attentive you were when you learned the rules of the road to get your driver's license, and the 5 minutes I wasted waiting to turn right at a red light while the entire road is clear.
Thank you cashier who hands me my receipt, cash and change in one stack. That's going to fit so neatly into my wallet, because all 3 of those things go together. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to stand there and separate them, putting the coins in the zippered compartment, and the cash in it's little section while everyone behind me has to wait. I'm sure they appreciate it, too.
Thank you shopping cart with the one wonky wheel. I like the whole store to know where I am at all times, so it's convenient that and you announce my arrival so loudly. Thanks.